Lately I’ve been feeling really run down. I’m normally a pretty peppy go-getter but the last few weeks I’ve been feeling really afraid, anxious and a super doubter. I’ve been struggling for weeks to think of what I’m afraid of, and what’s been eating me and I think it’s finally starting to come together.
I’m trying to steer my life into a new direction, and I’m afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid I won’t be any good, afraid that I won’t be able to make ends meet over the summer. Usually during the summer I work at the mall, I’m a great sales person and a shmoozer so it’s only natural that I work in retail. Sure, it’s great experience but this summer I have decided that I can do better, perhaps I’ll aim a little higher and maybe MAYBE land myself a ‘real job’. A job that’s pertinent to my possible future career.
I would like to work at a design firm, or for a production company. Doing what? It doesn’t matter — I’ll be your photocopy bitch, I’ll run and get you a five dollar coffee, I will be your all around go-getter just happy to be there kind of girl. It doesn’t matter what I am doing as long as I have the promise that maybe I’ll have the chance to prove myself and bask in the glory that is ‘working professionals’ lol.
This is something completely new and different to me. And it scares me only on the basis that I have never done this before and old thoughts and feelings that I thought I had put behind me are creeping up.
” What if they don’t like me and I get fired?”
” What if they ask me to do things, I don’t know what they’re talking about? I’ll look stupid.”
” What if it’s an internship and they can’t pay me? How I am supposed to survive over the summer?”
… Now that I write it down I can only think of three ‘what ifs’. Just three things that might be stopping me? That’s silly. If I did get canned ( which I wouldn’t! *must remain positive*)I could always just go back to ye old mall, I have a rather impressive resume. Floor Supervisor, Assistant store manager… someone would hire me?
I just have to keep treading water or else I will find myself drowning in a malestorm of negativity! I haven’t even gotten a job yet, I haven’t even really asked or have been looking. It’s just a thought I’m entertaining ” Hey, yeah. I’m better than Garage clothing, let’s raise the bar a little!”
I’m really excited for a personal little project I’m starting:
I’m going to go a year with out buying a single article of clothing.
If I need, or want an article of clothing I will have to make it myself. The exception to this rule though is if the clothing is made ‘locally’ ( by local I mean in Canada ). I’m not doing this for any supreme noble purpose, I just like to try new things.
I went to school for a year to learn costume making, things didn’t quite pan out. I don’t want to loose and forget the skills that I learned three years ago — So ! Here’s putting them to good use.
I’m also just so tired of what department stores have to offer. I’m tired of paying too much for clothes that I know I can easily make at home for a fraction of the price. I also want to develop my own unique wardrobe, and what better way to make one than to create your own clothing from scratch?
I will post pictures of clothes I’ve made and just how I’m managing. I know for some people ‘not buying clothes’ for a year doesn’t sound too hard, but I’m a person who regularly enjoys stopping in at Old Navy or BlueNotes for a nice warm sweater or a pair of new jeans on a regular basis. I know fellow shopping enthusiasts will understand! :3
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup of tap water
1 package of silken tofu ( approximately 14 ounces )
1 package of Betty Crocker cake mix.
METHOD:
With a blender, mix tofu and water until smooth. Slowly add it to the cake mix that you’ve dumped into a large bowl, and mix until well blended. Fill the cup cake tins 2/3rds of the way and Cook @ 350 degrees 15-20 minutes - basically until a toothpick comes out clean.
You can now make the best cupcakes ever. They are not only dairy free, but egg free, butter free, and relatively low cal (not that anyone should be counting !). They are free of anything that may not be in line with your stomach/diet/and or moral code*. lol
They are also really cheap to make. One packet of tofu, it’s like what? Two bucks? Water is free from the tap and the cake mix, well that depends on what kind your getting and how much you’re willing to spend. I love Betty Crocker’s vanilla rainbow mix.
Everyone enjoy your cupcakes. :3
*I don’t think that these cupcakes are gluten free - but you’re welcome to try it with some gluten free cupcake mix! lol
Sometimes when life is a little hectic we have to think extra hard about what is going right in our lives. I know today I feel like today is one of those days so I’m going to share with everyone fives things I’m thankful for. :3
One. My friends. My friends are the best. I sometimes feel like I don’t have many but the ones that I do have I know will stand by me through thick and thin. Do yourself and your friends a favour and tell them what they mean to you. It might be awkward at first, but they’ll be glad to hear it - and you’ll feel better for saying it.
Two. My parents. I love my parents, I will always love my parents but sometimes I feel like they drive me to drink. I can tell my parents anything, I can dress any way I like and I know that at the end of the day they will let me back into their home. They put up with me when I’m vile, cranky, manic or depressed. I remember just last week telling my mom that she ruined my life, my dad who was in the room just looked at my mom and said ” I think she’s pms’ing. ” and that was the end of the conversation.
Three. Summer Flings. Nothing beats the shitty student summer job like a bit of romance. I like to call them ‘tasteful distractions’ lol. It’s just something fun to partake in, who knows what may come of them. All the singles out there on the world wide web, go out on a fun date with your fellow singles, you all need each other every now and again. :3
Four. Spare time. With out it I would loose my mind. Even though I fill every waking second with activities to keep me occupied these are for the most part things that I chose to do. This doesn’t mean that I just laze around the house all day drawing pictures but when I’m not duking it out in retail or cleaning up after the mess that seems to follow me where ever I go, I am doing just that. lol
Five. Green. A lot of people are complaining about how going green is now chic, this may irk some people I on the other hand have a different opinion on the matter. I’m going to frank with everyone when I say this but if packaging the green movement into something chic and trendy is what it takes to save our planet - then so be it. Let the green movement become a trendy fad, if it means we all lessen our carbon foot print.